Wabi-sabi refers to finding beauty in the imperfections, and when talking about love, isn’t it just the same?
When you start a love relationship what you think are grand gestures, red roses, and perfectly orchestrated romance. But what if I told you that amidst the glittering facade 2of flawless love lies a deeper truth, one rooted in the ancient Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi?
As I reflect on my marriage, I can't help but marvel at the journey of discovery and growth that has led me to embrace the imperfect perfection of Wabi-Sabi love. Through trials and triumphs, my partner and I have five timeless principles that have become the cornerstone of our successful marriage.
1. Embrace Imperfection:
In a world obsessed with misrepresented perfection, Wabi-Sabi teaches us to find beauty in the imperfect, impermanent, and incomplete. Just like a cracked teacup, our relationship bears the marks of time and experience. We both have our imperfections just like anyone breathing, but the beauty of a long-lasting relationship is how we have accepted each other along with our minus points. Isn’t it what love is about?
Instead of striving for an unattainable ideal, we celebrate the quirks that make us unique.
And sometimes the things you consider “flaws” aren’t even flaws. They are just the “differences” any 2 distinct people can have. From untimely banter to making mistakes, these wabi-sabi moments add depth and character to our love story. And has helped us all through these years.
Now ask yourself a question, “Do you accept the flaws of your people whole-heartedly?”
2. Cultivate Gratitude:
In the hustle and bustle of everyday life, it's all too easy to take each other for granted. And it happens most of the time. Do you remember when was the last time you said thank you or expressed gratitude to anyone in your family?
When it comes to spouses, it becomes all the more normalised to take for granted. But gratitude is the secret sauce that infuses our relationship with warmth and appreciation.
From the mundane tasks of grocery shopping to the moments of quiet companionship, I and my partner make a conscious effort to acknowledge and cherish the little wabi-sabi things that bring us joy. After all, it's the small gestures of kindness and thoughtfulness that often speak the loudest volumes of love. Isn’t it?
3. Nurture Communication:
What do you do after you’ve had a fight with your partner? Do you solve it out, act aggressively or just stay silent?
As in our case, we never stopped talking, like NEVER. Even if we had disagreements, arguments, or differences in opinions, we always talked it out rather than staying quiet and not talking.
They say communication is key, and they couldn't be more right. But it's not just about the words we speak—it's about the unspoken language of gestures, glances, and shared experiences. Through the ups and downs of life, we've learned to listen with open hearts and speak with honesty and empathy. And you know the best part?
As you start spending more years with the person, you’ll start understanding more with little words. You will notice the gestures more, and better. By creating a safe space for vulnerability and expression, we've forged a deeper connection that transcends mere words.4. Don’t be shy to say sorry:
No relationship is immune to misunderstandings and mistakes, not even ours, but forgiveness is the bridge that compensates for the hurt which comes along with any bond.
I am sure you must have experienced how difficult it can get when apologizing to your closest people because somehow we’ve taken them for granted or we know they’ll eventually forgive us and would never leave us.
But what about the hurt you’ve given them?
Don’t they deserve atleast a sorry?
Of course, that has to be followed by a change in action, behaviour or approach. Whether it's a forgotten anniversary or a heated argument, we've learned to let go of grudges and embrace forgiveness with open arms. By acknowledging our fallibility and choosing compassion over condemnation, we pave the way for healing and growth.
5. Prioritise Connection:
Our lives are filled with so many things and responsibilities. Mothering to 2 sons, doing my daily chores and handling my professional work, everything together takes up most of my time. But in all the hustle and bustle, I try my best to spend some quality time with my husband. Not as an additional work or responsibility, but out of joy and companionship.
Sometimes we’re so overwhelmed that we forget the importance of prioritising connection with our spouse, but just so you know many things will automatically be solved only by spending some quality time with him/her. They carry this comfort with them so don’t lose sight of what truly matters just because you’ve glorified being busy.
My partner also has an extremely busy schedule where he’s in a leadership position with a lot of responsibilities but he makes a conscious effort to spend time with me.
By nurturing intimacy in all its forms—physical, emotional, and spiritual—we cultivate a love that grows deeper with each passing day.
So as we celebrate love, let us embrace the imperfect perfection of Wabi-Sabi love. Let us celebrate the beauty of imperfection, cultivate gratitude, nurture communication, practice forgiveness, and prioritize connection.
In the end, it's not the grand gestures or extravagant gifts that define our love—it's the simple moments of togetherness and understanding that truly matter.
So here's to love in all its messy, beautiful glory. Here's to finding joy in imperfection and embracing the Wabi-Sabi way of life.
Are you ready for it?
What aspect of Wabi-Sabi love resonates with you the most?
Embracing imperfection and celebrating uniqueness
Cultivating gratitude for the little things that bring joy
Nurturing open communication and empathy in interactions
Practicing forgiveness and letting go of grudges
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